People run when they see me coming
Even though I'm only 5 feet one inch
'Cause my best friend - he is 6'10'' 					

Eddie likes having fights with knives and
Eddie giggles at the sight of spilled blood	
Chews on cactus - but the fact is

  Big Eddie is a friend of mine and he'll do what I say
  Get ready to be terrified 'cause he's coming your way
  Big Eddie is a friend of mine and he's bigger than you 
  And you never know what he might do

We met in kindergarten.  
He was startin' shaving
I wrote all his book reports 
I guess I sort of felt supportive


Through the years we have stuck together		
Doing anything as long as it's fun
Paint graffiti, kick the needy

Had a laugh when we both got busted		
Selling liquor to the underage kids
Didn't worry, told the jury

  Big Eddie is a friend of mine and he'll do what I say
  Get ready to be terrified 'cause he's coming your way
  Big Eddie is a friend of mine and he's bigger than you 
  And you never know what he might do

Eddie got elected to the 
Senate by a landslide
Just in case it needs explaining 
We went door to door campaigning 


We pollute and collect our kickbacks
Now we're running the show for ourselves
Cut your health care, raised the cab fare

Do you think that you're gonna stop us?
Well it takes a little guts to do that 
Are you ready for Big Eddie?


(solo)


And when I finally died 
and hitched a ride to Heaven
Peter wouldn't let me in. 
I kicked his shin and screamed at him that…

  Big Eddie is a friend of mine and he'll do what I say
  Get ready to be terrified 'cause he's coming your way
  Big Eddie is a friend of mine and he's bigger than you 
  And you never know what he might do